LETTING GO   [ back to List of Articles ]
Harvey A. Hyman, Esq.

Our western cultural heritage has always emphasized the central importance of the individual, his or her natural gifts, moral character, education, achievements and failings, positive or negative role in the family, workplace and community, ultimate salvation or damnation, material and spiritual legacy to those left behind and place, if any, in history.

The cultivation of a unique, fully individuated "self" is a constant theme throughout Graeco-Roman myth, philosophy and drama, Judeo-Christian theology. Renaissance art, the late 18th century Age of Revolution with its concepts of individual liberty and a democratic society in
which all are supposedly equal, the rise of the Capitalist marketplace from the Industrial Revolution where individuals compete head to head for wealth on a national and international scale, the development of the novel in the 19th century literature and the 20th century elaboration of the science of psychology which emphasizes introspection, self-knowledge, freeing the self from the bondage of childhood traumas and repressive social conventions and the process of self-actualization.

What is the self? Based on modem neuroanatomy, neurophysiology and neuroimaging there is no one place in the human brain where all perceptions come together and where a narrator, supervisor or central authority reviews information and issues orders. Descartes said, "I think.
Therefore I am." Yes, but who am I? Current thinking is that" 1) the 100 billion neurons which make up the brain are in constant back and forth communication through association and crossing fibers, 2) consciousness is a by-product of that electro-chemical inter-cellular communication and 3) the "self" is nothing more than a concept for organizing our mental life which has been programmed into the brain by the evolutionary process. In other words, the
"self" is an implicit construct which includes a continuous stream of memories of personal experiences going back to childhood; a certain temperament; a scheme of values; a set of skills; a body of knowledge; and seeing our same physical body with its birthmarks and scars again and again in the mirror. Even though all these aspects of "self" (the cognitive, emotional, physical, behavioral and social) fluctuate all though a person's lifetime, he or she retains a complete, reflexive identification with an unchanging core self, and he or she is more certain about the existence of that self than anything else. Perceived physical and psychological threats to the preservation of this "self" provoke anxiety and strong defensive counter-measures.

Traumatic brain injury terminates the old "self" rather thoroughly and abruptly. Cognitive, linguistic, perceptual and motor skills are lost and with them so are careers, hobbies, artistic and leisure pursuits and patterns of family and social interactions. The TBI survivor becomes isolated. Life can no longer be approached calmly and rationally — all is in turmoil. There is confusion, anger, frustration, rage, resentment, grief, bitterness and regret. There is denial the old "self" is gone. There is clinging, an overwhelming urge to go back. The Buddhists call this "attachment."

In my law practice, I have had the privilege of representing survivors of TBI. How they fare, how they rebound, how well and how much they rebuild their lives, does certainly depend in part on how quickly their TBI is recognized and medical-legal intervention is initiated, what kind
of family support they get, what financial resources are available in the way of insurance and the quality of their medical care and their legal representation. But, most of all, it depends of their ability to LET GO of the old "self," which is gone forever. This is the hardest part of the process of recovery and the make or break point for every survivor of a TBI. When the focus shifts from how I was impaired to what was spared by the trauma, from what I can no longer do to what I can still do, from who I was to who I can still be, from the injustice of being harmed to gratitude that family, friends, medical providers, attorneys, and rehab specialists do care and are helping, the tide turns. Letting go means standing back from the ruins of the old
self, leaving them and setting out on a new path. Yes, life is not fair. Nothing in life is guaranteed not even the continued existence of that unique assortment of skills, knowledge, feelings, memories, aspirations, values and behaviors we call the "self." To LET GO is to accept this fact and move on to as productive, satisfying and joyful life as possible, within the limits set by the injury. The new life may look a little or, more likely, a lot different from the old one, but it will be a far better existence than one consumed by unending grief and anger. Could I let go if I were to suffer a TBI? I hope so, but I do not know. Nothing comes harder
to a Westerner. I am deeply moved by the struggles of all my clients to escape their pain, frustration and loss. In watching them undergo this struggle I have noticed that Eastern attitudes towards decreasing attachment to the body and "self" can be very helpful.

As an attorney my job is to prove injury — causation and damages — and to obtain a fair settlement or verdict which is fully adequate to compensate for past and future suffering, lost quality of life, hospital and medical bills, disability and wage loss, and fully adequate to fund necessary future medical care, psychological and vocational> counseling, therapies (e.g., cognitive, behavioral, leisure, movement, speech, hearing) and any special equipment and assistance from trained persons to operate the client's household or business. However, no amount of money or state-of-the-art rehabilitation can substitute for LETTING GO or lessen the quotient of misery associated with refusing to accept that the old "self" is gone. In the best of circumstances the money and rehabilitation services which I obtain for clients helps them to make the transcendent human choice to LET GO and accomplish the personal transition to what one rehabilitation specialist has called "a new neuropsychological coherence," but which we can equally well call a new "self." Damage to the brain damages the mind and irrevocably disrupts the delicate balance we call "self," but the human organism, its life force and its will
power endure. The human being is broader, deeper and greater than the "self" it identifies with and perceives itself to be. If I was not sure of this I could not work with and legally represent TBI survivors, because there would only be utter despair and hopelessness.